Here is the thing bloggers, life has been hard. As in extremely difficult, I can't handle my own life kind of difficult. Seven months ago, I started having stomach problems. My diet has been stripped down to nothing but overpriced gluten free bread and muffins, yummy kind bars, eggs, rice, and bananas. If I am having a good day, a piece of chicken can also be added in. The diet is the easy part. It's the emotional side of not feeling well 24/7 that gets me.
As a Therapeutic Recreation major, we talk about chronic illnesses and the emotional toll it can take, but I never fully understood it until this summer. The worst part is not knowing what is wrong. I have had so many tests, all with normal results. Having to hear the words "you're fine" hurt me more than the stomach pains radiating through my abdomen. They know I have two abnormalities, but have no idea why. So they patched me up and sent me on my way. But that's not reassuring, because every day I have to figure out a way to adapt. To piece myself together enough to function. For those around me not to worry about me. But this past week, my facade broke. Hey guess what world? I'M NOT OK! And I EMBRACE it.
So bloggers, here is what has been going on.
Every day, I do yoga, go for a walk or run, play tennis, or hang out with my friends. I take my medicine and go to bed when I can't handle the pain anymore. I am figuring out how to survive this! I will beat it. Since being back at school, I have been mentally and emotionally fortified by those around me. Being a TR major helps for sure, because my peers understand and know how to encourage and lift me up.
My new most favorite escape? Playing Nintendo 64 with my favorite Wray family. Can I tell you how much I LOVE the Wray family? Well, I love them. They are amazing. They are sweet. They are kind. They listen. They let me cry. Camie has the best shoulder to cry on, and Judd is so patient. He also is the best Mario Tennis partner ever and doesn't make fun of me when I stink up the joint. They are my daily reminder to laugh, to cry, and to be loved. 
Doran took me crawfishing! That was an adventure and could be used as a whole other post. But I LOVED it. It was freezing, but it was worth it. I love to go on new adventures. It really helps having things to look forward to and accomplishing.
Speaking of accomplishments...my friends are awesome! I really wanted to hike the Y because it was lit for homecoming. And since my friends are AMAZING, they agreed to go with me after the BYU vs. GA Tech football game. Ok, so...I should've listened. The hike was way steeper and harder than I expected. Keep in mind, I am not the healthiest person these days, so it was tough. We get half way up to the Y, and this guy stops us and informs us that they were taking the lights down. WHAT?? WHY?? Well, we were already halfway there, so we decided to gut it out and finish. When we got to the top, we were all tired and cold, but I felt so amazing. Two months ago, I could barely leave my house to go to the grocery store with my mom because I would get too sick and tired. Sitting on top of the Y might seem like a small feat for some, but for me, being able to look out over the valley represented how far I have come since being back at school. That hike was hard. I was not feeling so well by the time I got down, but I did it! Which is all that matters.
My life is like climbing a mountain. Nothing has panned out like I expected the last few months. My illness has affected my friendships and my relationships. I haven't been able to be the person I was, but I am who I am. I am trying the best I can and the people around me have done an amazing job of stepping up and helping me along the way. I love each and every one of them. Life is a mountain. But eventually, we all get to the top, look out at the course of our lives, and say "we did it". I am still climbing my mountain. And I am impatient at times. I wish there was an easy fix for everything, but that's not life!
So bloggers...all good things come not to those who WAIT, but to those who WORK.
I have been WAITING for a long time, but maybe I have been waiting for the wrong things. Now, I am just taking one day at a time and WORKING towards being better and making my life work for me.
Love you bloggers. Keep working, because waiting will never yield happiness.
