"Settled Soul Mate"

Hello Bloggers! Wow. All I have to say. Look at this article that came out in BYU's Daily Universe. Go ahead. Read it. I am sure it will make you laugh. I promise. 

http://universe.byu.edu/index.php/2012/03/27/the-waiting-game/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-waiting-game

See? He is FOCUSED!! Distraction my butt!

Ok, did you read it? It's hilarious. Though some spots rustle my feathers a little bit, others perfectly describe this situation. Here is the true deal about waiting: it sucks. But I am a stubborn pain in the butt. And, my mother raised me better than to wait for a missionary. Imagine my shame when I had to tell her that Devin was going on a mission. She handled it quite well actually. She did not disown me or lecture me like I had expected. Instead, when she came to visit in November, she was surprisingly supportive. We laughed ourselves silly over a Thanksgiving package for him. We drove around the temple for 33 minutes while my brother and sister waited to give him a letter. It was fun and entertaining. And yeah, I am waiting, but I find it a relief. Living on the south side of campus can be like living in a jungle full of marriage hungry boys. It's nice to have an excuse to escape the jungle. My mother also told me not to get married until I was older and ready. Having a missionary is a guarantee to not get married before I graduate. It's a win win situation! I get to put the stress of a relationship on hold and just study and kick butt in school. I am quite a fan of this arrangement. Minus the whole, missing him terribly part. But you win some, you lose some right? Besides, I can never be too miserable. Not when I have stuff to do in my life!

Now there are different kinds of waiting. I am one of the valiant. Determined not to date anyone else while he is gone. However, if I were to be asked out, I would probably go. Because my biggest beef is how dumb boys are about dating! They don't know how!! So if one finally gets up the guts to ask me out, I don't want to ruin a good thing. This situation has not happened yet, so I am not sure how I will react. I'll keep you posted bloggers! My favorite part about this article was when one boy, while waiting for his girlfriend to finish her mission, decided to date another girl on and off. After spending considerable time with her and her family, and admitting that sometimes he thought she was "the one", he eventually told her that she was just his "settling soul mate". Ouch. Settling soul mate? What kind of a douche tells a girl she is just a settling soul mate? If I were that sister missionary, I would be so cheesed that my boyfriend was off dating other girls seriously enough to meet her family and talk about getting married. Seriously. I would dump his sorry butt and focus on my mission. But I have high expectations of relationships and the words "commitment" and "waiting". 

The other thing that is ridiculously annoying is how judgmental people are! Trust me, me more than anyone is embarrassed to admit that I have a missionary. I have become one of "those" girls and it kills me a bit inside. But he is worth it. Wouldn't be waiting if he weren't. But I hate when people just assume that girlfriend equals distraction. Excuse me. Have you ever written a letter to a missionary? Has your best friend gone off on a mission? Well mine did. Is it so ridiculous to think that MAYBE, just maybe, I write him as my best friend? Because that's what he is. I already struggle with expressing my feelings, people! Devin will never cease to stop teasing me about how I never hugged him last year. I am just not a touchy/emotional person! So what on earth makes you think that my letters are like that? I try really hard to include one paragraph telling him I love him etc., etc., but it's usually at the end (because I tend to forget haha). My letters consist of me complaining about school, Utah, and updating him on my mundane life. I have threatened him. If I ever at any point think I am a distraction, I will stop writing him and we can talk in 2 years (actually, 16 months, but who is counting?). He actually makes it a point to tell me that he is working hard and trying to make me proud. Which is how it should be!! I won't judge your relationship, if you don't judge mine. Fair?

So bloggers, the point of this blog is that sometimes Mormon boys say weird things, and the whole waiting culture is such an interesting phenomenon. Just saying. Rolltide.

So always remember bloggers...

All good things come to those who FILTER THEIR THOUGHTS.

Let There Be Light

Hello bloggers!! Tonight I was rereading my old blog that I had started over the summer. I started this new one because I wanted to get away with the darkness that I had been (literally) running from this summer. But I think it is unfair to say that my summer was completely dark and depressing. It is true that I was lost. I didn't know up from down and I felt like my whole world had shattered around me. But there were so many good things that happened last summer.


For instance, I saw Harry Potter with my best friend Katie and my sister Carlie. We all dressed up and went to the midnight showing. Carlie dressed up as Luna and Katie dressed up as Waldo. It was quite the night. Carlie kept going around talking to different people in Luna quotes and Katie kept getting a plethora of screams that they "found waldo". I can only imagine how many My Life is Average posts we made it into. And I am pretty sure Carlie appeared in the Atlanta newspaper the next day. It was so fun. We laughed. We cried. We quoted. And I watched my childhood end with the roll of the credits. Quite fitting for my summer though. I felt like my summer defined the end of my childhood. Every dream I had, gone. But unlike Harry Potter, I couldn't rewind and watch again. A fact that I am alright with. But anyways. Harry Potter was awesome to go to. 







Camie came to visit me. We went to the aquarium, a braves game, bought Toms, and ate our way through Atlanta. My all time favorite line? "Do you know that your tennis courts are monogrammed?". Haha. Don't mess with the south and it's monogramming! It is a very real art! That was a fun week. But I wasn't myself. And even when I came back out for school, I wasn't healed yet. And somewhere along the way, Camie and I lost our way. She's getting married in April. I wish her all the best and thank her for being a great friend when I needed her. Best wishes and joy in your marriage.

And of course, Devin was a factor this summer. He called me the night my world came crashing down. And after that, I needed him. He was the one who listened to me cry at 3 in the morning. He was my rock. It helped that he wasn't actually in Georgia. I had to spread my misery amongst my friends. But the night I bought my plane ticket to see him (a decision that changed my life), I will never forget. My parents had gone to Savannah for a baseball tournament. I had had food poisoning, and on top of everything else, I just couldn't handle it. So I was miserable. And lonely. So Devin called me and persuaded me to go to Spokane to visit him. So I called my parents and asked them if this was ok. Yes, I am aware that I am in college, but I still felt like I needed their permission, especially after everything they put up with from me last summer. So as I was talking to my mom, I find this great deal online to fly up for labor day weekend. And my dad surprised me and bought my ticket. I will never forget what my mom asked me. She asked, "Will this make you happy?". And I said yes. And it did. And now 6 1/2 months later, I am waiting for him. Waiting for the boy who so patiently waited for me. Waited for me to finally see him. So even though my summer was miserable and my life did not turn out the way I thought it would, I am so grateful. 

Right to left: Spencer, Maddy, and Parker

I feel like it would be unfair to not mention the two kiddos who have changed my life the most. I started working with Maddy and Parker when I first moved to Georgia in 2002. At first, I just sat with Maddy at a little table in front of the TV and played with her while her mom did things around the house. Eventually, as I got older, I started to babysit them when their parents went out. Apparently I was the only one who could make them (aka Maddy) go to bed. It was quite simple really. I would just tell Maddy that her mom would only come home if she went to sleep. And if that didn't work, I would grab my book and sit in the hallway, making sure she would stay in her bed. My favorite night was finding Maddy asleep in the doorway of her room, too afraid to cross it, but wanting the comfort of being closer to her parents. Parker was always the bed time angel. I would read him a story and he would be asleep before his head hit the pillow. I miss reading stories to them, but as with everything in life, they grew up and no longer need me to read them bed time stories. 


Soon, I was tutoring Maddy every Monday. We would sit in my basement and struggle through her homework together, and then she would stay for dinner. And then when I got my license and a car, I started nannying for them over the summer. But I don't like to call it nannying. Sure, there were some days that were hard. Trying to get Maddy to do her PT homework after surgery was no cakewalk. But I did discover the malicious joy of making her handwrite her apologies. That became my newest form of punishment. Usually by the time she had finished writing the apology, we were both laughing because it was so unbelievably painful for her pride. She may be cranky, but we sure know how to laugh together. Maddy knows everything about me. She remembers everything I have ever told her, and I tell her everything. I trust her. She is the best listener. And she loves being a part of my life. And I love letting her in. I may have had to punish her, control her food portions, and made her swim, but I really just think of her as my best friend. I love and miss her while I am at school.


But let's not forget her brother. Parker has the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met. He is always looking out for others. One day at the pool, a group of girls wouldn't let Maddy play. So Parker took a pool noodle, filled it with water, and blew it at the girls. When the looked at me to punish him, I just shrugged and told them they got what they deserved. Parker and I fist pumped later. He is always looking out for those around him. Parker goes to different day camps to keep him busy, and though it is easier to just have one kiddo to watch, I miss Parker when is gone. I would usually leave Maddy at home when I went to go get Parker so that I could catch up with him, and give him an opportunity to talk to me one on one about anything that was bothering him. I love driving around with Parker. I always turn on Taylor Swift and he sings along loudly, windows down, and a smile on his face. I love those jamming sessions with him. And sometimes we would sneak to QT and get icees. Sometimes we would bring one home for Maddy, but other times, I let it be between just us (not that Maddy hasn't had her fair share of secret treats). 


These kiddos have taught me the meaning of friendship and loyalty. I miss them. They have taught me compassion and love, even for those who don't deserve it. And last summer, even though the rest of my world fell apart, these kiddos were my rock. I watched Dance Moms with Maddy. I listened to music with Parker. They were my motivation to get up in the morning. Thanks kiddos for letting be your friend and for always trying your best to be good. We all have our bad days. Just keep going and don't be discouraged. And when you do get discouraged, look at how far you have come. And don't give up. Remember, I am always a phone call away. And I will be home soon! 


So always remember...


All good things come to those who don't get DISCOURAGED. 

Oh Don't Look So Prim, I Come In Peace

Hello Bloggers! Hmm, what has my week consisted of? I will tell you what I should have done: studied for my anatomy lab final coming up on Tuesday. What have I done instead? Well, let me tell you!

What I did instead of studying:

1. Had the stomach flu

2. Watched the entire season 1 of Downton Abbey (don't worry too much, there were only 7 episodes)

3. Went to a bridal shower

4. Watched Castle

5. Slept. A lot.

6. Went for a walk up the canyon with Samantha

7. Saw the Hunger Games at 8 p.m on Thursday. That's right. I saw the premier to the premier. Because I am awesome.

But don't worry. I have done some studying. I just haven't been as diligent as I should've been. But it has been an alright week. My favorite line from Downton Abbey is when the grandmother says, "Oh don't look so prim, I come in peace". How true is this bloggers? When people annoy us, we all put on an air. But how refreshing would it be if people just called us out on our bull crap? Just saying. Speaking of bull crap...

MY MOM AND SISTER WENT TO THE BEACH WITHOUT ME!

That's right.

Officially disowned. 

Just saying. 

On a happier note, Samantha did my hair! Thanks Chanel for letting me use your curling iron! I am totally going to get one of these when I get home. It is amazing. But anyways. I think it looks super cute. 

Amber, me, and Mandy at Mandy's bridal shower!

Also, the Hunger Games was amazing. I want to go see it again. Alone if I have to. But seeing it with my roommates was so fun! We just call ourselves "the family". I don't know what I would do without my roommates. Seriously. From flirting with random theater workers to fetch us water without waiting in line, to making too many delicious treats to be allowed, to finishing each others sentences, we are quite the group of girls. Gotta love us.  

Well bloggers, another uneventful day in the life of Miss Bella!

But always remember...

All good things come to those who ENJOY life.

And Today I Remembered Why I Never Wanted to Be a Cougar...

Hello bloggers! First of all, let me tell ya'll that I do love going to Brigham Young University. I do. However...I do not claim being a BYU fan. I can't do it. And today, I remembered why I never wanted to be a BYU Cougar in the first place. Let me tell ya'll my tragic story.

So I arrive at the game. Alone. No one wanted to go with me. This is the life of a southerner in Utah. No one appreciates baseball quite like I do. This is a fact that I can accept. So by going alone, this means that I have to sit alone. Also acceptable. So I walk up and find a completely empty row, save one guy. Well, it is BYU, so I assumed he had friends or family coming to join him. So I put my hand on a seat two seats away from him and ask if it is saved. He looks at me and with the most arrogant tone he can muster says, "yes, this seat is saved for my WIFE". And then he pointedly looked at me. Ok, hold on. I just asked for a seat, not for a date. I could care LESS if he was married. I just wanted somewhere to sit. But Mr. Hot Shot thought he was just the sexiest beast alive, and therefore assumed that I was trying to flirt with him. Ridiculous. Attention boys at BYU: just because some of us don't have rings on our fingers, doesn't mean we aren't taken. And even if we aren't taken, doesn't meant that we are even looking! So get off your high horse, pull the stick out of your butt, look in a mirror, or swallow your own face, because the egos and rude behavior is completely unnecessary and uncalled for. I was annoyed before I even took my seat. After I sat down, he just exuded annoyance because I actually sat down. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of finding another seat and letting him think he was being hit on. Oh no. He was going to have to deal with my cold shoulder for the game. The best part was that for a few innings, I was convinced that he had lied and that there was no wife coming. But she eventually showed up. And then this guy proceeded to update her on what she had missed. I love when people who know nothing about baseball try to talk about baseball. They just sound ridiculous. And it wasn't just him who wasn't afraid to blab their ignorance to the world. The rest of the student section wasn't much wiser. 

Here are a few things that annoy me at BYU games:

1. People don't understand baseball.

2. People doing chants like when the boys were 8 playing baseball. "Three up, three down, no one gets around, I said three up, three down, no one gets around...". Yeah. They know how to play the game. They don't need us to chant it for them.

3. People bate and call out rude comments to the opponent's pitcher and catcher. Some things are just not necessary to say. Have respect for the game and the opposing team. Seriously. I don't see you out there on the field, so can it!

4. A foul ball is a foul ball. Just because the ball connects with the bat doesn't mean it is going anywhere. Nothing phenomenal happened. The level of skill being played is mediocre. So stop freaking out about every little thing.

Nothing special happened in this game. It was really mediocre. BYU was playing Seattle. Seattle is just like BYU in that they can't play until June because of bad weather (ok, June may be an exaggeration, but most teams in the south get much longer playing time). Most of the outs were pop ups to the outfields. If a runner did get on base, he was stranded. There was one hit to the BYU pitcher where he fielded it to the first baseman and got an out. You would've thought it was a triple play though, based on the reaction of the stands. My personal favorite was when the center fielder, short stop, and second baseman, all ran in for a pop up, and even though the ball was going towards the center fielder's glove, no one bothered to call it, so they all were just staring at it. Right before the ball could hit the ground, the short stop slid in and caught it. It was a nice catch. But I am not going to go crazy about a lack of communication. I'm sorry. But that was a routine play that I have seen my brother and his teammates execute for years. And he is 14. College-level players should be able to communicate with each other. Now, Seattle was just as guilty. BYU got to first on a bunt only because the catcher and pitcher couldn't communicate with each other. But the comments made by the BYU student section to the Seattle catcher was uncalled for. I understand that it is a competitive sporting event, but there is a certain etiquette to be followed. In the end, BYU lost 2-1, stranding a runner on third. Not a very impressive game. Nothing exciting happened. I wasn't on the edge of my seat with nervous excitement for BYU. Instead, I was on the edge of my seat with annoyance. I ended up watching the last 2 innings in the aisle, away from the crowd. BYU fans have nothing to be so riled up about. BYU will never make it to Omaha. And not just that, but these fans get all worked up about a game they don't even understand. BYU fans are more obnoxious than Texas fans. And coming from me, that is saying something.

So needless to say, I am home now watching the second game on BYUtv. It is much better from the comfort of my own home, with roommates who know about baseball and without boys who think they are the hottest thing since global warming. I love baseball. I love BYU. I do not love BYU fans. I hope none of ya'll judge me for their bad behavior and ignorance. 

So always remember....

All good things come to those who UNDERSTAND baseball.

Sometimes I Fall Asleep While Praying...

Hello bloggers! Sorry for disappearing. My life has pretty much been consumed by this wonderful thing I like to call college. While most of you are kicking it back at PCB or setting obnoxious facebook statuses about that "one last big paper before SBXII", I am still in the throes of my schoolwork. In the last 12 days, I have taken 3 tests, taken 6 quizzes, turned in 10 homework assignments, had 3 pop quizzes, and have another midterm starting tomorrow. And two opening next week. Life of a Brigham Young University student does not get easier in March. In fact, it gets harder. Unlike the rest of you goons, we don't have a spring break. True, we do get to get out in mid April. But that just means that for the next 3 1/2 weeks, our professors try to shove as much knowledge and assignments into our systems as they can. I don't know how we all survive. My dad likes to tease that I am useless on my drive back to Georgia. Maybe that is because I don't put a book down until I get in the car to go home. Last night, I studied all day for my anatomy quiz, and went to a total of 3 hours of anatomy lab. When I got home, I ran to clear my head, then sat down at the table and immediately started studying for Italian. Forget writing Devin. I always know I have a had a crazy stressful week when I don't have time to write the boyfriend. Never a good sign for how my week has gone. I feel like I am constantly studying for something. Even if I don't have a book in my hand, my mind is constantly whirling, quizzing myself on different subjects. I am always stressed and alert. My newest vice is tea. For whatever reason, tea has really helped bring my stress levels down. I haven't been able to sleep well this semester, which is odd for me. I think it is because I can't stop naming off different anatomy terms and picturing the cadavers or specimens in my mind. Life is rough. And to top it all off, I have been applying and doing different stuff for summer jobs. Even the simplest of tasks, like updating my resume, takes twice as long as it should because I don't have time to add one more thing to my plate. My brain is almost at it's max capacity!!! But in 3 1/2 weeks, I will be done. Then reading days will come. And then finals. And then sweet home Georgia! It can't come fast enough. 

So as the title suggests...I have been pretty exhausted. Everyone is. Today, all of my roommates (myself included), and Dylan (Devin's brother), all slept in. It was just a day to oversleep I suppose. I still made it to class on time, I had just wanted to wake up to study a few more verb conjugations for my Italian test. I spend many mornings waking up 2 hours before I need to just to review some term or go over some concept. Welcome to my life. Tomorrow, anatomy lecture is cancelled. So I am taking a mental health day!! Just means I am missing Italian. I go every day AND I just took a midterm. I feel like it is justified. Sadly, I will probably spend a majority of it studying for my anatomy lecture test. Sigh.

Alright alright, I am done talking about school. Sorry ya'll. On a happier note, I have been running again! Oh how I have missed it. There is nothing better than the feeling in your legs as you beat your way 1.5 miles up a mountain. And the relief to be able to go downhill for 1.5 miles. It helps to have a good running partner as well! Amber and I started running together last semester. She is the best! We have this great policy that "what is said on the run, stays on the run". It is a perfect place to get any concern, fear, or thought out. Plus, our favorite place to run is up in the canyon, so it helps to be surrounded by beautiful mountains and fresh air. I love it. It leaves me so peaceful. I am grateful to have my running shoes and my best friend Amber. Without them, I would be totally lost. I feel like I have found myself this semester. I have been so lost. Last summer was hard. Probably one of the hardest time periods of my life. I think everything in my life just accumulated, and one thing just triggered me into despair. All I had last summer was my running shoes. And great friends, though at the time, I couldn't see it. But I ran almost every day. 

And if all else fails...go to Chipotle! Proof that you can indeed buy happiness!

When I think back on the summer, all I can recall is being really numb, and running. Running helped bring feeling and purpose back into my life. It sounds over dramatic, I know. But last summer, I broke. Life got the best of me. Devin played a big part in putting me back together. He listened to me. He never gave up on me, even when I pushed everyone out. But he had to leave on his mission last October. It's good though. He gave me the push I needed to find happiness for myself. He helped me bring me out of my misery and show me how to live again, but he also helped me find myself. Him being gone is hard. I feel his absence every day. But mostly because I miss my best friend. But you know what bloggers, a part of me is grateful. His absence has made me take that push he gave me, and act on it. I am happier. I live in a much nicer apartment, with roommates who are practically hand cut for me. School is much harder, but some of the stresses from last semester are gone, making school much easier to handle. I feel as though my very soul has found peace. I am who I am. I am loud. I talk a lot. I am southern. I am stubborn. I try to be happy. But I also struggle. I struggle to keep my head above water. I want those around me to like me and to accept me. And for a long time, it wasn't that way. I found myself trying to change for those around me. And one day I woke up and decided that I was tired of it. I am who I am. Take me or leave me. I am much happier now because I have found those who love me for me. They lift me up. They go on runs with me and let me vent to the mountains about not getting an email from Devin (which was in my inbox by the time I finished my run. But it's the principle of the thing!). They know when I am sad. Just the other week, Sam played this song called "I'm Yours" by the script. And I don't know WHAT happened, but all of a sudden, I was in tears. So she gave me a hug and popped in "The Mummy". Simple as that. For those of you who know me and have wondered where I have gone, well...I haven't been myself in a long time. The shocker is that I am finally back to who I want to be. I can't always be the strong friend who carries everyone's burdens or who caters to your needs. Sometimes, I need to do things for myself. I need to be taken care of too. So this semester, I have really focused on getting myself to be the best I can be. I have been running again. I go to bed early and wake up hours before class starts to prepare for my day. My homework is done early. I surround myself with those who make me happy and who I know I can cry, laugh, or just talk with. Bloggers, I encourage you to try to find peace in your life. I have found it through running and those around me. Especially Sam and Amber. They deserve a shout out. They have been angels to me this semester. Helping me come back to who I want to be. Thank you. But really, try to find peace within yourself. When life throws you a hardball, make cookies! That's what we do in my apartment. Do whatever it takes to find that inner peace and try to hang on to it. Everyone deserves to be happy and to feel content with their lives. Life doesn't always have to be hard. But when a trial emerges, endure it! Don't quit! Grit your teeth and survive. I promise, good things come from our greatest trials.

Well bloggers, I have rambled enough. So always remember...

All good things come...to those who have PEACE.