Hello bloggers! Sorry for disappearing. My life has pretty much been consumed by this wonderful thing I like to call college. While most of you are kicking it back at PCB or setting obnoxious facebook statuses about that "one last big paper before SBXII", I am still in the throes of my schoolwork. In the last 12 days, I have taken 3 tests, taken 6 quizzes, turned in 10 homework assignments, had 3 pop quizzes, and have another midterm starting tomorrow. And two opening next week. Life of a Brigham Young University student does not get easier in March. In fact, it gets harder. Unlike the rest of you goons, we don't have a spring break. True, we do get to get out in mid April. But that just means that for the next 3 1/2 weeks, our professors try to shove as much knowledge and assignments into our systems as they can. I don't know how we all survive. My dad likes to tease that I am useless on my drive back to Georgia. Maybe that is because I don't put a book down until I get in the car to go home. Last night, I studied all day for my anatomy quiz, and went to a total of 3 hours of anatomy lab. When I got home, I ran to clear my head, then sat down at the table and immediately started studying for Italian. Forget writing Devin. I always know I have a had a crazy stressful week when I don't have time to write the boyfriend. Never a good sign for how my week has gone. I feel like I am constantly studying for something. Even if I don't have a book in my hand, my mind is constantly whirling, quizzing myself on different subjects. I am always stressed and alert. My newest vice is tea. For whatever reason, tea has really helped bring my stress levels down. I haven't been able to sleep well this semester, which is odd for me. I think it is because I can't stop naming off different anatomy terms and picturing the cadavers or specimens in my mind. Life is rough. And to top it all off, I have been applying and doing different stuff for summer jobs. Even the simplest of tasks, like updating my resume, takes twice as long as it should because I don't have time to add one more thing to my plate. My brain is almost at it's max capacity!!! But in 3 1/2 weeks, I will be done. Then reading days will come. And then finals. And then sweet home Georgia! It can't come fast enough.
So as the title suggests...I have been pretty exhausted. Everyone is. Today, all of my roommates (myself included), and Dylan (Devin's brother), all slept in. It was just a day to oversleep I suppose. I still made it to class on time, I had just wanted to wake up to study a few more verb conjugations for my Italian test. I spend many mornings waking up 2 hours before I need to just to review some term or go over some concept. Welcome to my life. Tomorrow, anatomy lecture is cancelled. So I am taking a mental health day!! Just means I am missing Italian. I go every day AND I just took a midterm. I feel like it is justified. Sadly, I will probably spend a majority of it studying for my anatomy lecture test. Sigh.
Alright alright, I am done talking about school. Sorry ya'll. On a happier note, I have been running again! Oh how I have missed it. There is nothing better than the feeling in your legs as you beat your way 1.5 miles up a mountain. And the relief to be able to go downhill for 1.5 miles. It helps to have a good running partner as well! Amber and I started running together last semester. She is the best! We have this great policy that "what is said on the run, stays on the run". It is a perfect place to get any concern, fear, or thought out. Plus, our favorite place to run is up in the canyon, so it helps to be surrounded by beautiful mountains and fresh air. I love it. It leaves me so peaceful. I am grateful to have my running shoes and my best friend Amber. Without them, I would be totally lost. I feel like I have found myself this semester. I have been so lost. Last summer was hard. Probably one of the hardest time periods of my life. I think everything in my life just accumulated, and one thing just triggered me into despair. All I had last summer was my running shoes. And great friends, though at the time, I couldn't see it. But I ran almost every day.
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| And if all else fails...go to Chipotle! Proof that you can indeed buy happiness! |
When I think back on the summer, all I can recall is being really numb, and running. Running helped bring feeling and purpose back into my life. It sounds over dramatic, I know. But last summer, I broke. Life got the best of me. Devin played a big part in putting me back together. He listened to me. He never gave up on me, even when I pushed everyone out. But he had to leave on his mission last October. It's good though. He gave me the push I needed to find happiness for myself. He helped me bring me out of my misery and show me how to live again, but he also helped me find myself. Him being gone is hard. I feel his absence every day. But mostly because I miss my best friend. But you know what bloggers, a part of me is grateful. His absence has made me take that push he gave me, and act on it. I am happier. I live in a much nicer apartment, with roommates who are practically hand cut for me. School is much harder, but some of the stresses from last semester are gone, making school much easier to handle. I feel as though my very soul has found peace. I am who I am. I am loud. I talk a lot. I am southern. I am stubborn. I try to be happy. But I also struggle. I struggle to keep my head above water. I want those around me to like me and to accept me. And for a long time, it wasn't that way. I found myself trying to change for those around me. And one day I woke up and decided that I was tired of it. I am who I am. Take me or leave me. I am much happier now because I have found those who love me for me. They lift me up. They go on runs with me and let me vent to the mountains about not getting an email from Devin (which was in my inbox by the time I finished my run. But it's the principle of the thing!). They know when I am sad. Just the other week, Sam played this song called "I'm Yours" by the script. And I don't know WHAT happened, but all of a sudden, I was in tears. So she gave me a hug and popped in "The Mummy". Simple as that. For those of you who know me and have wondered where I have gone, well...I haven't been myself in a long time. The shocker is that I am finally back to who I want to be. I can't always be the strong friend who carries everyone's burdens or who caters to your needs. Sometimes, I need to do things for myself. I need to be taken care of too. So this semester, I have really focused on getting myself to be the best I can be. I have been running again. I go to bed early and wake up hours before class starts to prepare for my day. My homework is done early. I surround myself with those who make me happy and who I know I can cry, laugh, or just talk with. Bloggers, I encourage you to try to find peace in your life. I have found it through running and those around me. Especially Sam and Amber. They deserve a shout out. They have been angels to me this semester. Helping me come back to who I want to be. Thank you. But really, try to find peace within yourself. When life throws you a hardball, make cookies! That's what we do in my apartment. Do whatever it takes to find that inner peace and try to hang on to it. Everyone deserves to be happy and to feel content with their lives. Life doesn't always have to be hard. But when a trial emerges, endure it! Don't quit! Grit your teeth and survive. I promise, good things come from our greatest trials.
Well bloggers, I have rambled enough. So always remember...
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