When, Not If

Hello Bloggers!

I have to retract a statement from my last post…

Sometimes, waiting does yield happiness.

Does waiting mean sitting on your butt and doing nothing? HELL NO. Waiting means making each day worthwhile until the day comes where you don't have to wait anymore! 

A few years ago, I met this boy. And that boy showed me the stars. And he made my laugh, even when I cried. And he made me feel like the person I always wanted to be. And then that boy asked me to wait while he was serving in Argentina for 2 years. And I was crazy enough to say yes. 

But while he was gone, I didn't wait for happiness. I worked for it. As ya'll know, I have had my difficulties, namely with my health. But I still strived for happiness every day. I laughed with my friends. I worked. I studied. I grew closer to those around me. I started to actually ENJOY studying at BYU. I took my mother's advice to heart. I needed to find my own happiness before I could find pure happiness with someone else. 

I really wasn't exaggerating about the nose thing...

And then the boy came home a man. And things were awkward and we were stupid. And I had to start doing things like dating other people (which was a fruitless effort. Dating in Provo…not the easiest thing to do folks!). Then I got sick of waiting for things to stop being stupid and awkward. I had to see for myself if the boy who showed me the stars was still in the man who finally came home.

So I hoped in my car and drove to his house for Thanksgiving. And we were still awkward, but less stupid. And then he stuck his finger up my nose and that was that! I waited for two years. And I could've kept on waiting for him. But sometimes bloggers, we have to be the ones to leap. We have to get off our butts and stop waiting! And let me tell you, it was terrifying. But sometimes, you realize that you have to leap for the people you love. In our case, we discovered that we were being stupid and awkward for stupid and awkward reasons. Then all of a sudden, all that waiting and finding my own happiness that I did turned into something real. Something tangible. His name is Devin. I got my best friend and man back. And I couldn't be happier.

Reunited at long last!

Am I still sick? Yes. Do I know exactly where I will be in a few months? No. Do I have all the answers? No. But I am happy. For the first time in a long time, I finally have hope that everything will be ok. I am so blessed to have that peace and comfort, and I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people. I am especially grateful that Devin was never actually far away, even when we were being stupid and awkward. There are some people you never stop caring about! Also, my mother gets to say 'I told you so' for the millionth time. She's always right. I hope to be as wise as her one day!

Yes, this is a sappy post. And for those of you who know me know that this isn't like me at all. What can I say, he makes me sappy cause I am so happy all the time! 

So bloggers, let's get ready for the new year and try to make happiness the ultimate goal. It's easier said than done, and I know that. But even when you are in your darkest moments, cling to hope. Happiness is never far away. We can wait for our happiness, but we can work for it too.

Remember bloggers…

All good things come to those who WORK while WAITING. 

P.S.
This is a really good song and about sums it all up. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN3wEzLp9do

Mountains to Climb

Hello bloggers! How are ya'll this evening? Swell I hope! 

Here is the thing bloggers, life has been hard. As in extremely difficult, I can't handle my own life kind of difficult. Seven months ago, I started having stomach problems. My diet has been stripped down to nothing but overpriced gluten free bread and muffins, yummy kind bars, eggs, rice, and bananas. If I am having a good day, a piece of chicken can also be added in. The diet is the easy part. It's the emotional side of not feeling well 24/7 that gets me. 

As a Therapeutic Recreation major, we talk about chronic illnesses and the emotional toll it can take, but I never fully understood it until this summer. The worst part is not knowing what is wrong. I have had so many tests, all with normal results. Having to hear the words "you're fine" hurt me more than the stomach pains radiating through my abdomen. They know I have two abnormalities, but have no idea why. So they patched me up and sent me on my way. But that's not reassuring, because every day I have to figure out a way to adapt. To piece myself together enough to function. For those around me not to worry about me. But this past week, my facade broke. Hey guess what world? I'M NOT OK! And I EMBRACE it.

So bloggers, here is what has been going on.

Every day, I do yoga, go for a walk or run, play tennis, or hang out with my friends. I take my medicine and go to bed when I can't handle the pain anymore. I am figuring out how to survive this! I will beat it. Since being back at school, I have been mentally and emotionally fortified by those around me. Being a TR major helps for sure, because my peers understand and know how to encourage and lift me up. 


My new most favorite escape? Playing Nintendo 64 with my favorite Wray family. Can I tell you how much I LOVE the Wray family? Well, I love them. They are amazing. They are sweet. They are kind. They listen. They let me cry. Camie has the best shoulder to cry on, and Judd is so patient. He also is the best Mario Tennis partner ever and doesn't make fun of me when I stink up the joint. They are my daily reminder to laugh, to cry, and to be loved. 

Oh yeah, the best friend is back from the mission. Not in the way either of us expected, but it is what it is. I cannot worry about it. Life will work out how it is supposed to. But it is nice to have my friend back. 

Doran took me crawfishing! That was an adventure and could be used as a whole other post. But I LOVED it. It was freezing, but it was worth it. I love to go on new adventures. It really helps having things to look forward to and accomplishing.

 

 
Speaking of accomplishments...my friends are awesome! I really wanted to hike the Y because it was lit for homecoming. And since my friends are AMAZING, they agreed to go with me after the BYU vs. GA Tech football game. Ok, so...I should've listened. The hike was way steeper and harder than I expected. Keep in mind, I am not the healthiest person these days, so it was tough. We get half way up to the Y, and this guy stops us and informs us that they were taking the lights down. WHAT?? WHY?? Well, we were already halfway there, so we decided to gut it out and finish. When we got to the top, we were all tired and cold, but I felt so amazing. Two months ago, I could barely leave my house to go to the grocery store with my mom because I would get too sick and tired. Sitting on top of the Y might seem like a small feat for some, but for me, being able to look out over the valley represented how far I have come since being back at school. That hike was hard. I was not feeling so well by the time I got down, but I did it! Which is all that matters.

My life is like climbing a mountain. Nothing has panned out like I expected the last few months. My illness has affected my friendships and my relationships. I haven't been able to be the person I was, but I am who I am. I am trying the best I can and the people around me have done an amazing job of stepping up and helping me along the way. I love each and every one of them. Life is a mountain. But eventually, we all get to the top, look out at the course of our lives, and say "we did it". 

I am still climbing my mountain. And I am impatient at times. I wish there was an easy fix for everything, but that's not life!

So bloggers...all good things come not to those who WAIT, but to those who WORK. 

I have been WAITING for a long time, but maybe I have been waiting for the wrong things. Now, I am just taking one day at a time and WORKING towards being better and making my life work for me. 

Love you bloggers. Keep working, because waiting will never yield happiness.

Allons-y Alonso! Summer 2013

Hello bloggers!

Well...it has been awhile! So, hello again. Hope things are swell for everyone!

Summer 2013 is coming to a fast close. I hate endings. I hate goodbyes. But that's life! I just posted pictures of my summer to my facebook account, and it made me realize that I did have a great summer. Well, it was both horrible and wonderful. I originally was going to stay out in Utah for the summer, but then health problems brought me home. I have been in and out of doctors offices, done multiple procedures, and tried a plethora of medications, and we still don't know exactly what is going on with my tummy. But I can function better than I could at the beginning of the summer, so I am grateful for that! It has been hard trying to cope with the reality that stomach problems are my life now, trying to figure out how to adapt, and trying to live with the inconvenience of having stomach issues. I would be lying to ya'll if I told you I conquered all of these things, but I haven't. I am trying though, which I think counts for something! 

The highlight of my summer has been being with my southern friends. They knew how to stop the tears, how to make me feel better, how to distract me, and how to make me laugh and put things in perspective. So bloggers, here is the highlight reel of my summer!!

KATIE:

We are nuts. We are random. We are nerds. But no one in this universe can make me laugh as hard as she can. Saying goodbye to her always sucks, and she is one of the few people I will hug (haha). We saw each other almost every day, either studying for our respective grad school tests, watching Dr. Who (she loves David Tennant, I love Matt Smith, but we agree to disagree), shopping, having dance parties in the car, or listening to me cry about my frustrations, she is always there for me. I am so glad I got to spend time with her this summer. She kept me sane and she kept me laughing, which made a huge difference. She's my BFFL. We endure the struggle together! 


LAUREN:

And then there is my bad ass marine best friend. The beginning of the summer was spent with her, in between her work outs and general awesomeness. Then she left for 6 weeks to go to Officer Candidate School. I had been planning to go to Quantico for her graduation for over a year, and it was the only thing this entire summer that was supposed to happen. No matter what, I was going to make it to her graduation. Seeing her in her uniform, marching with her fellow graduates, was the best moment of my summer. I am so unbelievably proud of her. She is the bravest person I know, and she doesn't quit! I look up to her for strength and bravery. And we are always good for TV marathons, naps, and cookies. I missed spending time with her this summer, but we will have next summer! And we are the queens of long-distance communication and goodbyes.

FAMILY:

Anyone who knows my family, knows we are nuts. Enough said. But I had a great time in Virginia with Nonna and visiting with my favorite Budway family! I even got to see an old college friend, Camie! She and her husband were in the DC area for the summer for his job, so I got to reconnect with her (which we realize we can do in Utah, but it was way more fun in Virginia!!).
  

BECKY:
Always good for a positive thought and inspiration, it was so great spending time with her this summer! Best thoughts and prayers to one tough cookie, who doesn't let anything get her down!

And then there were the random adventures along the way. Going to the aquarium, the lake, shopping the Nordstrom sale and getting locked in our dressing room, the late night Racetrack runs, the TV marathons, hanging out with my favorites Parker and Maddy, going to camp Twitch and Shout, and lots of laughter. Overall, it was a tough summer. But it was a summer full of love and support. It was a grown up summer as we all realized how fast life is moving. The big kid world is only months away, but I am so grateful for everyone who was there to support me this summer. For everyone who loves me, and for the amazing friends and family I have been blessed with. I love you all.

So remember...

All good things happen to those who LOVE.

A Heart at Peace

Hello bloggers! How are you on this fine Sunday evening? I am waiting for a certain someone to get his butt back here to get his stuff so I can go to bed, so I figured I would blog while I wait!

Have ya'll ever heard of Pilates Ballet? Ballet Pilates? Whatever. Let me tell you...it is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. Now, in part, it is because I have not worked out like that in a long time. Sure, I run. But I haven't done anything quite as intensive as this class in awhile. It was intense! I am so sore. My abs, hips, and back are dying. But it was worth it! I cannot wait to go back on Saturday!! But I learned a few things during this class.

1. I have a face that people always thing they recognize.
2. I love the ballet barre. Always have. Always will. It was like greeting an old friend.
3. I had to borrow used socks for this class. And I didn't have a mental breakdown like I expected (because I am a germ freak).
4. I am so stubborn, and I realized why I got injured in the first place. I don't know when to stop. I don't know how to give in to the pain. Next time, I need to lower my pride a bit...or my hip won't survive this class.
5. There is something about a personal challenge that is so invigorating and rewarding.
6. All of this ties back to my major.

On Friday, I have a 2 1/2 hour long class about assessment in TR. And I LOVE this class. My professor is my hero. I want to be like her when I grow up. But every week, we have to read a different novel. 2 weeks ago, we read about how to be intrinsically motivated. If we are motivated extrinsically, or by outside motivation, we aren't really benefiting ourselves. But if we are intrinsically motivated, we will get more out of whatever activity we are trying to accomplish. For example, if I ran because I thought my parents wanted me to, or because I thought society wanted me to so that I could be thin to society's standards, then I wouldn't really like running. I wouldn't be running for me. As it is, I run because I love it. I love the pounding of my feet. I love how exhausting it is. I love how refreshed I feel after a run. I love how clear my mind is afterwards. I am intrinsically motivated to run, and therefore, I run more often. 


This past week, we had to read about inner peace. Sounds all hippy-esque, but this book actually made some excellent points. No matter the situation, we should always have a heart at peace. If we have a heart at war, we will never be able to resolve an issue, no matter how many times we say something is fine. To have a heart at peace is to find peace within the self, to be able to face any trial or difficulty head on and to not give in to the bitterness or hate.

Divine Comedy!

Looking at my own life, there have been times where my heart as been at war. But all that matters now is that my heart is at peace.


It's February bloggers. Keep your eyes peeled for a rant about my most very favorite holiday, Valentines day. But it's also almost the 7th. I love the 7th. It means another month down. This year is harder than last year in some ways, but easier in others. I think the biggest factor is having Chanel and my sister here. They make it easier. Fun even. It's difficult though because I get tired. Not tired of waiting. But tired of him being gone. It's like my Pilates class. I get tired of doing squats because it hurts, but I know it's good for me and will make me stronger. My motto for the week is being stronger and having a heart at peace. And taking the things that I have put into boxes and coming to peace with them.


Ok bloggers. The certain someone has bid my apartment adieu. It's good to have an older brother figure though. He has helped a lot this semester as well. Friends make the world go round, and sometimes it takes a village to survive the cards we have been dealt. But as long as we keep surviving, keep laughing, and keep LIVING, then life is good.


Time for bed. But always remember bloggers...


All good things happen to those who have HEARTS AT PEACE.